Today should be a day of celebration, one of the more significant annual joyous diversion, coz this is the 13th blessed year of wedding anniversary between Viv and I. I said 'should' because, due to a more compelling unforeseen circumstance occurred half a year ago, it was mutually agreed that a sacrifice was a necessity, splitting the family back to Ipoh. Don't get me wrong, as Viv and I are not pondering over whether this has been the best decision. Just that, we can't help enkindle the usual "why us" sighs. Viv and I will always abide by our beliefs that we should always give more than we take, and this is what we will strive to continue to uphold. Nevertheless, just being human, sometimes among the sporadic continuum of depression and melancholy that inevitably hit us (like today), we do question and wonder where our holistic actions and decisions will lead us to. The combo of being separated from one's soul-mate and off-springs, coupled with the never-ending unpleasant reality of financial $hort-coming$, can really stress the hell out of one's soul. On some days, I am just trying to hold on to my dear life and how I wish I could just simply pinch myself and wake up in a gusto, from this nightmare. (Sigh) Sadly, it's all wishful thinking. Reality bites, painfully.
Some folks have been actually congratulating me (hopefully they meant it to be a joke) for being a bachelor again ! If this comes from a bachelor, well, I wouldn't fault him too much, but I really hate it, esp. if it orginates from a married person ! No class at all, man ! Zilch, zero, nada. How in the world can you rejoice, for being separated from your loved ones ! Have heard frequent re-assurance blabber that the separation is just 1.5 hours away, but trust me, it does not help much, esp. when it's time to bid our goodbyes, either on Monday mornings or Sunday afternoons. It really hurts, and I shudder thinking about it everytime. Lumbering back to the once merry home, which is all devoid of laughter, shoutings, jokes, etc. now. Every corner of the house evoke memories of Viv, Chloe & Ryan. Gosh, it's so quiet that sometimes I thought I'm hearing my own sighing echo ! For the past few months, having TF around, has been an utter welcome of good distraction and great company, though.
Have been pondering how long this near 40-year old will have to linger around Penang and packing back "Chap Fan" home every evening. Definitely, not something I would have envisioned many moons ago. How long more to go ? A year, 5 years, a decade ? I really hate to be alone, in all honesty, esp. now, it has become indefinite. Bummer.
1 comment:
When there is a will there is always a way. Hang on there...is only temporary.
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